We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize