My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
