I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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