I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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