If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
