your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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