I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drunk is not a location!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
