Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
