oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
