i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
