Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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