does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
