I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
