I cockslap morals
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
