OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
