they said they heard you say put it in my butt
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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