"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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