No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
