I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
