But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
