piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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