You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
wow bdsm is so cute
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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