is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
