So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
