Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
