Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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