May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
