from now on my penis is your penis
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize