My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
