We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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