Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
