I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
