Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
