I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
NoShamevember. You game?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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