It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
