Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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