I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
