I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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