the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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