i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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