what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
