God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize