I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
