I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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