I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
