it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
