That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
