so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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