if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
