Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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