I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
