WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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