do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
