Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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