Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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