I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sext me about skeletons
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
