3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
