HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
