How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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