Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
babies were throwing up all over the place
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
