I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize