He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
