I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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