That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
