Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
