For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
