Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
